Friday, November 28, 2008

Oh the Facets of This Life I Chose

Sometimes I have to remind myself that that this was a conscious choice, that this was actually what I wanted. Having dodged housework for the most part of my life, I was actually excited about doing this. Even in Subic we employed a cleaning lady who would come twice a month. Husband and I spent most of our time out of the house anyway so serious housekeeping was not necessary. The main thing though is, housework, plus caring for a child is an entirely different galaxy from plain housework. How about housework, plus kid care, plus working at home? I guess I'm saying that I'm bone-tired. I really don't know how the others in the same boat do it, and they have a bigger boat too (more kids and you can add homeschooling). I have a sort of pattern to my days now, but I'm not certain it's the best one I can come up with. I need to get better organized (and stop watching Rob Pattinson on YouTube - Man, is it gonna be like this from now on? All the hot guys are ten years younger?). And then there's the nagging thought from the deep recesses of my brain (the one that hangs on to the conventional, to the typical), did I really go through graduate school and obsess about my grades all those years (Husband laughs at the dorkiness of it all, but I was really a conscientious and competitive student. I dorkily aspired, if not for a perfect score, then the highest in the class, at least. I didn't grade-grub, but I was all about my GPA and ranking in class. Btw, not a lot of learning was involved there. I failed to retain much of what I was taught in school.) so I could be a stay-at-home mom? Did I really give up a prestigious and well-paying post to be all "domesticated"? Oh but the perks. Never mind (okay, not really never mind - I do feel proud in a very surprised way) the sense of achievement from being able to juggle all the work. The most important thing is that I'm given the chance to work on being the kind of mother I want to be. I am also able to define the values I uphold in life better as they're more apparent in this setup. Is this the life I want? Not entirely, but I'm getting there. I know I'm in the right direction and it is a journey that I can appreciate.


kryzteta said...

I could imagine how you feel. I don't have kids and yet sometimes I feel a day isn't just enough. The most when we just moved in, then later on I just got used to it and learned to prioritize.

I'm guilty. Instead of making stuff for the bazaar on my free days this week, I was surfing for vids and pics! I ended up cramming them all last night. lol!

Oh and your post reminded me of this. On one of my many struggling from studying days in college I asked my then boyfriend if he wanted me to work or stay at home in the future. He wanted to know why. My reason? I would quit school right at that moment if he wanted me home. lol!

spinninglovelydays said...

Gosh, I made it sound as though all my schooling went to waste when I chose this life, but that's not true. I do work at home, so I'm applying some of what I'd learned and trained for (and then it will come in useful for the homeschooling part as well). I guess I was more of addressing how some people will react to the fact that I WAH.

Christine: Fangirling is a real guilty pleasure, lol.

chelltan said...

I've always wanted to raise my children fulltime. I think being with your kids, especially in their most critical character-forming years is priceless. I do think that you have made the right choice.

I wish I could do the same and stay at home and just stare all day at my baby come July. Alas, can't do that now. And the funny thing is I've always thought-- and expected-- that that would be the case. I have, really, conservative views :P

I think you're lucky. Why, you can always go back to work later :)

spinninglovelydays said...

Chell! It's so great to hear from you. And what great news! Congratulations! :)

lorasantos said...

hi ivy. where are you in mandaluyong? Just want to let you know that I am now at a croosroad in my life? There is a very strong pull to leave my job so I can be with the kids. To quit or not to quit? is the question in my mind nowadays.

Lets meet up. I miss you and I think you are doing a great job.

spinninglovelydays said...

Thanks, Leila. Mark says we're pretty near your mom's house. Let me know when you want to get together. :)

That's definitely a tough choice you have to make there, but I'm confident you'll end up picking whatever's best for your family. I'll be praying for God's wisdom to lead you and you can count on my support whatever your decision may be. :)