I need this. Of late, I have been forgetting so many things. I am inclined to blame the epidural the same way my mother has always blamed us, her children, for her own silly scattiness. "The C-sections!" she would point out (usually amidst our raucous laughter), hence nuestra culpa. Although I know that my mother jests when she says that, and my sister and I, in turn, have never taken offense, I don't believe I shall ever do the same. I had wanted a baby and whatever I had gone through in the process of having one was of my own wishing. It is important that my daughter be certain that her advent was welcome. Like most mothers, I intend that my child be fully and constantly aware of how much I love her, bearing in mind how fickle emotions can be or how dynamic that very love for her can be, which, in this case, could only mean its growing stronger and deeper every second, notwithstanding the nature of future encounters.
Be my own forgetfulness anesthesia or, more naturally, age induced, I plan to remain on top of my game. Doing this is in aid of that. I want to chronicle our moments, to be filed away, archived in web cache, and retrieved at my own fancy, no detail missed and the original perspective intact.
I also do this to raise my own awareness of time passing and how imperative it is that I work on my own disposition. I have never been known to be brimming with cheeriness, but I do want very much for my daughter to imbibe positivity from me. If I keep myself conscious of my efforts by documenting them, I can keep those times of seeming futility from defeating me. Writing about favorable effects, no matter how minor a success might be, would get the old motor going and keep me encouraged. Publishing my intent, at the very least, would shame me into carrying out those plans. Many times in the past have I been almost stagnant, my dreams lying dormant, as I vegetated in my own procrastination. With a daughter to whom I am determined to present la vita bella, I can no longer afford to idle in time pockets, stalling change and growth.
This weblog is also for me as much as it is for my daughter. There is no reason at all why I myself should not finally hurtle through life in uninhibited joy, flinging the notion of coolness to the wind behind me and leaving it to perish along with regrets at chances I had let slip by in the past. There is certainly no room for such in this new journey upon which I have embarked.
Finally, this is an avenue for sharing. The idea well might run dry from time to time, so feel free to inspire me with your own experiences. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can simply leave a message in the comments section.
It is dawn as I write this. There’s a sunrise to watch and a breakfast to match sincere wishes of a “good morning”. It will be a gorgeous day even if soon after it starts my daughter decides to be picky about her solids again and dump her food onto the floor. Until the next post, have a lovely day! :-)