Why Adults Should Be Parents But Not Friends to Their Children?

Building a friendship with the child, who does take the position of an adult? Who does take care, give a sense of support and can be an example to follow?

Many parents take pride in being friends of their children. They just say, “We do everything together, we have no secrets and conflicts, I trust the child with my thoughts and anxieties, and they are also open with me.” And such relationships seem to be a perfect role model: there are no misunderstandings, restrictions, and authorities in the family. Nonetheless, don't overly permissive parents confuse their role in the family, rejecting the position of a “giver” and taking the position of a “receiver”?

Remember That You Are a Parent

You are an adult, wise and experienced person. That is why you have no right to blame your child for problems as well as unload your emotions and difficult life dilemmas on them. They are still too small to help you, realize your experiences and give you the very resource that will end your suffering. Moreover, their worldview has not yet been formed. They are vulnerable to the outside world and take everything to heart. For example, "If mom and dad have some troubles, then it happens because of me." And how can the child, who sees themselves as the cause of your misfortunes help you?

It’s exclusively a parental task to guide, take care and support. No matter how old a child is, anyway, you are older and more experienced. Your duty is to teach them to rely on their own resources, help them develop adaptive behavioral strategies, understand and accept themselves, their desires and goals. If a child comes to you for help, you should help them. Do not devalue their fears, silence them or run away from their problems. Your task is to always be in good shape, take care of your resources, mental and physical health to give children a sense of support. If you give up on the kids, they will become neurotics, who are unable to overcome the obstacles of life and defend their right to happiness.

How to Communicate with the Child?

First of all, you should be a parent, not a friend. This does not mean controlling, putting pressure or devaluing their experiences. On the contrary, you should learn to treat them with attention and respect, as well as stop sharing your constant problems. You shouldn’t say all these words like, "I do not love your father because he is too light-minded." or "Your mother is a drama queen." Your child will not help you with the issues, but you can frighten them, undermining a sense of security.

How can you cope with the experiences? You can call your parents or friends or start dating after a breakup. At the worst, you can contact a psychologist, pastor, business consultant or spiritual mentor. They are adults just like you, which means they can understand your feelings. The best option is to seek the support of your spouse. The main thing is to alternate the role of the parent with the role of the wife (husband). Otherwise, the love relationship will lose its thrill, and some insults, claims, obligations, problems of an intimate nature will begin.