Sometimes I Don't Get How I'm Not 14 Anymore

I was recently watching a talk show and the host and her guests started discussing RPattz (Robert Pattinson). They said they didn't get the appeal. One woman said something like, "I can't relate, but that's basically because I'm still in love with Scott Baio." The other woman says, "I know. I'm still into Corey Haim and Corey Feldman." Remember the Coreys? Ah, the '80s! FYI, my first ever crush was John Travolta in Grease, but that was mostly my mother's influence. I think I was about 4 years old. My first real crush was Scott Baio, thanks to teenage uncles who let me watch the Zapped movies with them. So this is what it feels like to age. Up until he pulled a bunch of screwups, Mel Gibson had always been my hunk of choice (Brad Pitt or Leo diCaprio never rocked my world). If you ask me who I think is the best teen actor out there, I'll probably say River Phoenix. Johnny Depp is the hot guy in 21 Jumpstreet (what pirate movie?), but would you believe I favored Doug Penhall (Peter deLuise?) over him at one point, and no I never got into Booker. I love Johnny Depp for so many reasons, mainly because he's hot, but also because he still sports all the coolness of grunge. Yesterday I was reading an article about stars from my youth and whatever happened to them. I tell you, many things are hard to accept - like River's death. I'm still expecting somebody to admit that he or she started that rumor (hang on, is Phoebe Cates really dead?). Sometimes you feel like you have to catch up with time. Most of the time, I'm still lagging in the '90s. No, 90210 still has 32-yr-old Gabrielle Carteris a high school junior and what? Yes, let's chant Donna Martin Graduates! I think I already admitted my NKOTB mania here and I'm not getting into that again. The babes of Baywatch are Erika Eleniak and Jill!!! (what's her name? she was killed by a shark)... Okay, fave TV shows: Saved by the Bell, Growing Pains, Valerie's Family (I think I had a crush on Jeremy Licht too), Life Goes On, Who's the Boss, Parker Lewis (Synchronize Swatches!), California Dreams, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Boy Meets World (I think I also already mentioned my crush on Will Freidl - what? he was cute!), Fullhouse, Funhouse (honestly, when you listen to The Biggest Loser's narration, do you still see JD Roth all fresh and mulleted?), In Living Color, My Two Dads, Blossom, Step by Step, etc. etc. Let's not even mention Murder She Wrote and some other cop shows I loved like Silk Stalkings, Tropical Heat (anyway the wind blows, it blows right back to me), etc. Oh, hey, there was Father Dowling's Mysteries. Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place! Do they still show episodes of Twilight Zone? Remember when Steve Kmetko was the Ryan Seacrest? Did I spend my entire youth in front of the TV? Whatever. I miss the good ol' days.