Saturday, September 13, 2008

I've Made My Peace

with the fact that Marguerite's party won't be as DIY or as "eco-freako" as I want it to be. I'm exhausted. Another fact. I lost my helper, but, honestly? I think it's all for the best. Marguerite never really did cotton to her. I only engaged her because I wanted to WAH more comfortably. I mean, I lost any support I used to have when Chip got sick and my mother turned into her 24-hour caregiver. Even though we were living in the same house as three other people, none of them were really available to help me in case I needed to call in a favor. If I sound a bit hostile right now, it's not because I'm begrudging the fact that I can't seem to depend on my mother to help me out when I need it. That's another thing I've made my peace with a long time ago. I mean, what if we were still living up in the mountains/jungle? It would have been the same thing (except worse because I wouldn't be a SAHM). I guess my attitude is, uh-what's-a-good-word, annoyed because I think all the coddling, co-dependence, and, gawd, DRAMA are unnecessary and actually detrimental. But I'll stop now before I get really into it. It wouldn't be pleasant. Anyway, how did I end up blogging about that? The point is (and I do think I have one here somewhere), losing my maid is good because I didn't want that kind of lifestyle anyway. I mean, we weren't wealthy, but I grew up surrounded by a gaggle of helpers (mostly my grandmother's, but we were included in their service) and I never had to do any chores. Thirty years later, here I am, still ignorant about laundry. I learned to do other household stuff (including cooking) when I was living by myself. Unfortunately, I (and then later with Husband too) used a laundry service at that time (or just dropped off my laundry at my parents', heehee). The thing is, I do not want Marguerite to grow up the same way and when we finally get our own place, I'll tackle the laundry thing head on. Gah, I make it sound like some impossible mission. Anyway, going back to Marguerite's party, I won't be making all the things I had planned to make myself. Lately, I've been all about sleep and spending time with my daughter. I'm not going to exhaust myself and be on the verge of a meltdown on my daughter's birthday (on the verge! hah!). Anyway, not as much is at stake this year and it's really not too good a thing to remember all the things that had gone wrong last time. Obviously, I still have to work on just letting go.
I know I said I've made my peace... but can anyone tell that I'm actually sulking about this?


The Darkest Night said...

how is Chip doing?

spinninglovelydays said...

Thanks for asking, Annika. We've got good days and bad days, but it's essentially about attitude...