Yesterday, Marguerite lost her first tooth (center bottom or whatever technical name it has). It has been loose for several days. So has the one next to it, so that will probably go soon. The whole thing makes me sad. The losing of milk teeth, it implies something that I'm somehow not ready yet to accept: her going past the baby stage. Babycenter calls her a big kid, but I didn't bother to raise a ruckus when they started doing it (the same way I did when they started calling her a preschooler at 2). I'm just so sadly bereft of time and energy these days.
The thing is that it's probably because my attention is not focused on her the same way it used to be. I used to be on top of things, obsessively marking milestones, observing her progress, consciously exposing her to infinitely beneficial things... (all very much in a mercenary fashion, of course - I tried to seem laid back albeit all the stage-mother-fiending that I was actually doing). Now, with another child and me actually working full-time although home-based, my concentration, well, just isn't there.
I haven't taken a picture of her gapped-toothed smile yet, but I do have these:
There used to be plenty of this kind of pictures. There should always be. Lately, I've been missing Marguerite. She's right there, but I miss her. I miss the time when we did nothing but bond all day. I constantly remind her of our time in the apartment. We were sole companions to each other most days. She was 2-3 and she was enough company for me. I didn't mind not getting to talk and mingle with adults, not at all. In the afternoons, I'd take her out so she could play with other kids and none of the other mothers did that for their kids, so there I was hanging out with the yayas. I guess at some level, I must have been lonely or I thought things could be better, but overall I really didn't mind our setup. It was pretty close to how I would have liked to spend those days. Now, well... there's no point in griping. I'm blessed and I should focus on that.