The day I turned 13, the Berlin Wall started to come down. It is with pure conceit that I associate my passage into the teen years (certainly the dark ages of my life, lol) with this epic, historic event. It really amazes me to note that I can now count decadeS since I hit puberty (in my case, that actually came way too early). Will I ever stop being in awe of the fact that youth and all its glory (and follies) happened THAT long ago? I remember waxing philosophical, nostalgic about leaving youth behind when I turned 25. It didn't help that I loved the movie Singles with a passion and one of my fave quotes from it was Janet Livemore's (Bridget Fonda) "Somewhere around 25, bizarre becomes immature." The purported urgent significance of marking a quarter of a century was not lost on me. I wrote an article for a women's mag about making good on the promise of my youth (only copy lost in the flood). I also wrote a short story related to certain realizations about the passing of youth for another magazine (also lost in the flood - aargh, the angst of my teen years - unfounded and silly though it may be - is threatening to creep back in. Don't worry; it's probably just revertigo.) What was I actually doing then, the day I turned 25? I was in Las Vegas, celebrating my birthday with my dad, my sister, an aunt and uncle, and a group of nice strangers my dad was counseling on starting their own church. No, that was hardly epic. Pleasant (my sister and I are actually still raving about my birthday cake until now), but not really momentous, lol.
Btw, if it hasn't occurred to you yet, I'm really just blathering.
I don't like being in my 30s. It's so not me, lol. This is pathetically funny because I was always the kind of child who was panting for the next stage, desperate to leave childhood and youth and the lack of power and control behind. Am I going to make a similar mistake and dwell too much on the past, hankering for the good old days that are now mere memories getting more distant with the passing of the years? I do enjoy looking back, but I do recognize the potentials of this stage and I'm always hopeful that the best is yet to come. I'm happy to note that disposition can be self-taught. I'm glad to recognize willpower as a force to be reckoned with. I do notice my natural negativity (my mother must have eaten something disagreeable while pregnant with me) diminishing with the gradual approach of what I hope to be wisdom. Going back to my penchant for the past, I am that kind of person though - a history buff, a lover of the vintage, and even as a kid, I was into the oldies but goodies... That's okay, right? However, please feel free to smack me around if it gets unhealthy.
I'll have you know I don't really know where this is going. Or if I even have a point.
It has been my habit to keep birthdays philosophical and veer away from the material. Thirty-three. Two ways to look at it - depressing or... not depressing, lol. I've decided to go with the latter. I asked myself how I should turn that supposedly special event progressing in a highly normal fashion (which was potentially dangerous - if I didn't catch myself, I could have found that depressing) into something positive for myself. That was to be my gift for myself - a promise of improvement. I made a list of 33 things I wanted to learn in the next year. Encouraged by my recent success with learning to whistle with my fingers (I kid not), I launched myself into this undertaking and the list is now done. I actually have a sort of growing waiting list of other topics or skills I want to learn, which kind of annoys me because the 33 thing was supposed to be symbolic. I'll share a few things here:
- shooting stars and constellations (which might prove to be opportune as Marguerite has been asking for a "steluscope" - don't ask me where she learned about telescopes)
- relearn my piano pieces (3 years of lessons and I only escaped with the intro for a couple of pieces - pitiful!)
- play an entire song on the guitar (even I'm getting sick of the intro to "Push" - I'm not into Rob Thomas anymore)
- Hawaiian (the language)
- the book of Revelations
- Child Ballads
- distressing furniture
I also leave you with Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" - my personal theme song around 7-8 years ago, lol.