Sometimes I have to remind myself that that this was a conscious choice, that this was actually what I wanted. Having dodged housework for the most part of my life, I was actually excited about doing this. Even in Subic we employed a cleaning lady who would come twice a month. Husband and I spent most of our time out of the house anyway so serious housekeeping was not necessary. The main thing though is, housework, plus caring for a child is an entirely different galaxy from plain housework. How about housework, plus kid care, plus working at home? I guess I'm saying that I'm bone-tired. I really don't know how the others in the same boat do it, and they have a bigger boat too (more kids and you can add homeschooling). I have a sort of pattern to my days now, but I'm not certain it's the best one I can come up with. I need to get better organized (and stop watching Rob Pattinson on YouTube - Man, is it gonna be like this from now on? All the hot guys are ten years younger?). And then there's the nagging thought from the deep recesses of my brain (the one that hangs on to the conventional, to the typical), did I really go through graduate school and obsess about my grades all those years (Husband laughs at the dorkiness of it all, but I was really a conscientious and competitive student. I dorkily aspired, if not for a perfect score, then the highest in the class, at least. I didn't grade-grub, but I was all about my GPA and ranking in class. Btw, not a lot of learning was involved there. I failed to retain much of what I was taught in school.) so I could be a stay-at-home mom? Did I really give up a prestigious and well-paying post to be all "domesticated"? Oh but the perks. Never mind (okay, not really never mind - I do feel proud in a very surprised way) the sense of achievement from being able to juggle all the work. The most important thing is that I'm given the chance to work on being the kind of mother I want to be. I am also able to define the values I uphold in life better as they're more apparent in this setup. Is this the life I want? Not entirely, but I'm getting there. I know I'm in the right direction and it is a journey that I can appreciate.