Saturday, September 13, 2008

I've Made My Peace

with the fact that Marguerite's party won't be as DIY or as "eco-freako" as I want it to be. I'm exhausted. Another fact. I lost my helper, but, honestly? I think it's all for the best. Marguerite never really did cotton to her. I only engaged her because I wanted to WAH more comfortably. I mean, I lost any support I used to have when Chip got sick and my mother turned into her 24-hour caregiver. Even though we were living in the same house as three other people, none of them were really available to help me in case I needed to call in a favor. If I sound a bit hostile right now, it's not because I'm begrudging the fact that I can't seem to depend on my mother to help me out when I need it. That's another thing I've made my peace with a long time ago. I mean, what if we were still living up in the mountains/jungle? It would have been the same thing (except worse because I wouldn't be a SAHM). I guess my attitude is, uh-what's-a-good-word, annoyed because I think all the coddling, co-dependence, and, gawd, DRAMA are unnecessary and actually detrimental. But I'll stop now before I get really into it. It wouldn't be pleasant. Anyway, how did I end up blogging about that? The point is (and I do think I have one here somewhere), losing my maid is good because I didn't want that kind of lifestyle anyway. I mean, we weren't wealthy, but I grew up surrounded by a gaggle of helpers (mostly my grandmother's, but we were included in their service) and I never had to do any chores. Thirty years later, here I am, still ignorant about laundry. I learned to do other household stuff (including cooking) when I was living by myself. Unfortunately, I (and then later with Husband too) used a laundry service at that time (or just dropped off my laundry at my parents', heehee). The thing is, I do not want Marguerite to grow up the same way and when we finally get our own place, I'll tackle the laundry thing head on. Gah, I make it sound like some impossible mission. Anyway, going back to Marguerite's party, I won't be making all the things I had planned to make myself. Lately, I've been all about sleep and spending time with my daughter. I'm not going to exhaust myself and be on the verge of a meltdown on my daughter's birthday (on the verge! hah!). Anyway, not as much is at stake this year and it's really not too good a thing to remember all the things that had gone wrong last time. Obviously, I still have to work on just letting go.
I know I said I've made my peace... but can anyone tell that I'm actually sulking about this?

2 comments:

The Darkest Night said...

how is Chip doing?

spinninglovelydays said...

Thanks for asking, Annika. We've got good days and bad days, but it's essentially about attitude...